I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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