Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
