Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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