i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
