God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
