All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
