She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize