I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
