Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
