I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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