Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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