i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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