$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
