Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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