We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
