I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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