"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
