You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
