He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
