my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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