foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
