your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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