Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Say something about gay babies.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
