in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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