Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
someone threw a dead crab at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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