those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
