A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
