my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
