i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
