just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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