You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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