Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
His nipple licking is glorious
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