she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
