sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
