Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
