I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
