my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
