so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
