New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize