i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
