Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
