you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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