I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
