Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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