That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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