my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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