The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize