Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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