You just made me feel so damn special
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
