When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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