I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
