Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
