Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's Friday. Sex?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
