Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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