forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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