so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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