he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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