highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
