What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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