Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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