OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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