he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am one with the molecules
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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